Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Does being a mother mean I'm less of a woman?

...or that I am more of a woman?

I've just read an article where the author seemed genuinely sad to hear that Beyoncé said her proudest moment was when she gave birth to her daughter Blue. The article sounds like something many people on our society needs to hear, and I'm not judging the author's point of view at all. In fact, I think she's quite on point with many things, but it made me a bit uncomfortable.

So what, if it is Beyoncé's biggest achievement? Is that good? Is that bad?

I think it says a lot of our society that we get worked up (in bigger or lesser measure) about stuff like this.

On one hand, I think that it is normal for a woman to feel most proud of the moment her body, what is undeniably herself and that society tries to put down at every chance (let's not deny this, because that's how it is), has done something unbelievable, something so amazing that we wouldn't believe it if we hadn't grown so used to it. She's created a whole new human being inside herself. She's generated life. And, if that wasn't enough, she's pushed it out (or let herself be cut out) so that new life can belong to world: a new generation, a new life, a new incredible miracle. What's not to be proud about? It a f***ing miracle!

And then, on the other, I think: but does that make her more of a woman? Does that mean that if she chose not to have kids would she be less? Well, duh, NO. She was a woman from the moment she was born. A whole, complete, amazing woman. She can get more woman-y than that. Having children doesn't make a woman, it just makes you a mom.

But then...

Are you less of a mom if your proudest moment isn't the day you gave life to your children? Well, duh, NO (again). You are a human being, free to choose what you are proud of and what you are not, and how to rate all the things you are proud of (and there should be many!). Some of us, like me and like Beyoncé, will put it at he top of our lists. What that means, though, is that we're f***ing proud of it. No more, no less. We're not less proud of any other achievements. And the moms who are prouder of other achievements? Are they inferior moms? Well, duh, NO (yet again). They just are prouder of something else. And do you know what I say to that?

Thank you.

Because if we were all proud of the same stuff, doing the same stuff, valuing the same stuff... we'd all be clones and it'd be no fun at all. I may not always understand you, but so what? You may not always understand me anyway.

And it's okay.

Oath's Mom
(sorry for the rant, and for the starred swearing... it just came right out of my heart, and sometimes it is a dirty-mouthed heart.)

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