10 ideas for Father's Day gifts

Father's day is right around the corner! Well, for some of you it is, anyway. For me... not so much. Here it was a long time ago (many months!), but I remember how much I worried then and how much I scrambled trying to find the perfect gift. 

I did not have any idea what to gift Partner: buy something? make something? make Oath make something? (because, lets be honest, he wasn't going to do any gift by himself, at 9 months old!) pretend I forgot?

In the end, this is what we ended up doing, but in the process of searching the perfect thing, I came up with some of these ideas:

1. Photos. Be it a big print of the two (or more!) of them or a series of pics of the baby holding letters that spell "dad", it's the easiest way to remind him of his kid and all the good times they have spent (and will spend!) together.
2. Write a little story about how great a dad he is, and illustrate it with some picture of him with your little one. If you are good at being sneaky (I am so not!), you can take the pictures specially for this without him knowing it, like a little secret photo shoot of just the two of them.
3. Handprints / Footprints. Dip your little one's feet and hands in water soluble, non toxic paint and use a sturdy watercolor paper: you can use the dad's favorite team colors if you want to make it extra especial. Or, if you are a little afraid of the mess you can make with the paint, press the kid's hand and feet on a layer of modelling clay.
4. If it is possible, let him sleep in and, when he wakes up, bring a favorite breakfast to bed. This will be specially nice for him if you co-sleep and the baby is an early riser, or if he is the one to get up for night / early morning feedings.
5. Cook his favorite foods and add a little extra: a nice dinner with a special dessert, buy some of his favorite beverage of choice..
6. Pack your bags, put the baby in the stroller or the carrier, and go somewhere you used to go before the baby's birth. Do what you used to do, but with your new addition: go watch a sports match, have a picnic, hike an easy trail... as a family!
7.  How long it's been since the two of you, dad and mom, were alone? Leave the kid with a babysitter and go out for dinner. Then go dancing, or star gazing, or to the movies... do something he enjoys like you would have before having your child: we all know how easy it is for kids to take over the spotlight... let dad be the one there for a day!
8. Buy (or make) the baby something daddy related. A hat of dad's favorite movie character (R2D2, anyone? I know Partner would love it!), a onesie with a funny quote ("I listen to Dire Straits like my daddy", or the more common "I love Dad")... or maybe some matching shirts for baby and dad!
9. Buy (or make) him something non-baby related. He's a dad, yes, but he's also the same person he was before! Go with something you'd gift him any other day.
10. Ask him what he wants, if you have no idea. It's not perfect, and some fathers might not like it, but at least it shows that you care and that you want to do something he really enjoys. His answer might surprise you!

The best thing? You can do a couple of those, as many of them aren't really expensive. What about dressing your kid up as Luke Skywalker while dad sleeps in and bringing him breakfast to bed on a tray where a card with your baby's hand and footprints says "Happy Father's Day, Daddy!". I bet he'd love it!

Oath's mom

10 things you can do for a studying mom (or not mom!)

The first set of exams is over. Now I just have to wait for the grades, and then we'll see if I am definitely free until next September, of if I have to go to the resits. Whatever happens, though, I get a break now. Just in time for Oath's birthday!

I'm preparing a post about it, but every time I work on it I get so emotional I can't finish (my little boy turns one year old! Already! *teary eyes*). I'm such an emotional mamma.

So, instead of that post (which will come soon, I promise), I have another 10 things list, for those of you who know someone still deep on the exams season.

What can you do to help a student mom?

1. First of all, and for me that's one of the most important: make sure she eats enough. How? Insisting that she eats might just stress her out, so why not cook for her instead? The time she does not have to spend thinking and cooking the food she'll eat is time she can invest on studying... or maybe taking a much needed break.
2. While we're talking about food, let's talk about breakfast. I never ate breakfast, and it still does not come as a habit to me, but if there's one time I feel I need it is when exams are close. When Partner offers me a healthy breakfast (for example, a homemade smoothie with berries and full-fat yoghurt, a couple of homemade cookies and a handful of almons) I'm much more able to concentrate and put my brain to good use.
3. It's never easy to study with a toddler tugging on your pants, a baby crying close to you, or a kid playing loudly in the same room. Give some moments of silence to the student and take the kid out: go for a walk, or visit some friends, maybe go grocery shopping.
4. Of course, mom also needs fresh air and to see something apart from her notes, so if you see it's been days since she stepped out of home, take her out: a walk, dinner...
5. This one is my favorite: a massage! What's better on times of stress than a shoulder rub? Hand down, this is it!
6. If there's one thing that students usually are short of, apart from time, it is sleep. If she's the one usually getting up with with your early bird, let her sleep in while you take care of the kid. Of course, do not let her sleep until too late: she has to study!
7. A dirty house, or even just a messy one, makes it harder for one to focus, doesn't it? Clean a bit and straighten it all out while she prepares!
8. When one is studying every little thing seems bigger, and those little annoying facts of life can turn into real problems. Lift a student's spirit with a little present: some sushi, a flower, an impromptu hug and "I love you".
9. Do not let the feelings of "I can't do this" or "It is too hard" rule in her head. Your encouragement can go a long way! Tell her that you believe in her, and that she certainly can do it.
10. And, of course, ask her what she need from you! Everybody needs different things at different times, and she may very well ask you for something you (and I) would never think of.

Just a little note: I am talking about student moms because I've come up with this list from my experience, but they probably will work for every student parent, moms or dad, even grandparents and siblings. And, of course, for students that are not parents yet!

See you soon!

 Oath's mom

Studying sucks life out of me - 10 things to survive exam periods, mom's edition

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I'm in a stressful place right now, with the first exam approaching and the feelings of "I can't do this!" creeping on me. I've spent the last two hours in a downwards spiral of feeling unwell and procrastination, with some bouts of crying and lots of pacing (and not looking at my notes, which is what I should be doing). Top it off with a teething, biting baby and a Partner who is not home, and you get the picture. It's not pretty.

In an effort to get back on track and escape a nervous melt-down, I sat down and wrote a 10 things... list about things I (and any other student-mom) can do to survive the last weeks of school. 

Here's what I've come up with: 

1. Take a shower. A hot, steamy one, to relax and let go of some tension. If this leaves you sleepy and you are brave (I am not!), finish with cold water: this will wake you up in a flash, and many swear it's really invigorating.
2. Take a walk. Fresh air and open spaces can do wonders for a tired mind. You can even bring your little one/s with you, and it may help them too!
3. Snack. If you are like me, stress might leave you with a tight knot in your stomach, but food is what will keep you going. Raw nuts (almonds are my favorites), a yogurt and fruit smoothie, some cookies... Give your brain a but of sugar to munch on while it works!
4. Stop, take a deep breathe and play with your kid. Your little one needs you more than you need those minutes of study, and seeing that smile and those twinkling eyes might as well help you concentrate again.
5. Even if it seems like a waste of time, if you need it, take a nap. I can't stress enough how much this helps me, once I get over the guilt.
6. Along the same lines, do something completely unrelated. You are trying to memorize Rome's emperors? Try some baking. Battling with perspective and the theory of colors? Put some music and dance.
7. If you've got more than one subject to study, mix it up. Do not try to study it all in a linear manner, specially if it something like history.
8. Also, break it down. Thinks are easier to digest if eaten in little chunks.
9. Tell your little one what you've just studied. A month after Oath was born I had to resit an exam, and I managed to study by making up lullabies about the most important parts and singing them to put him to sleep.
10. Timers! You can use them in many ways: time how long it takes you to answer certain questions; let them tell you when to rest for a while (before Oath I followed a 45 minutes of studying / 15 minutes to rest routine, now it's more like 30/10th. Whatever works, but rest every now and then); use them to study in intervals... They can make it so much easier!

Whatever you do, though, do not give up. You can do it.

And you? What helps you focus when it feels like you can't? Do you have any tips or tricks?

Oath's Mom

Traveling alone with a baby: 10 things to make it easier

I'll be honest: traveling with a baby is harder than traveling without. When there's two (or more!) adults, things are bearable, but when there's only one? Then things get real. I can't imagine how it'd be to travel one adult with more than one baby... or a baby and a toddler. But that's not what I know about, so lets get back to the one adult-one baby traveling, shall we?

As you know, I am able to visit my family often (and they are coming to see Oath quite often, too, so I've seen them a lot this past year! This is strange, but nice). Oath is getting to know them despite living so far away, and I am really happy for it. I know I am blessed to be able to do it, though, as not every parent who lives far from home can, so I take every opportunity to go now. Nobody knows when things are going to change, right? 

Partner, on the other hand, can't come with us every time. Because, thankfully, he has a job to keep: a job that pays, and that pay feeds us. And food always goes first (well, not really, but you know what I mean).

This means that I and Oath travel alone. Since we cross the security check one one airport until we get out of the door of the other airport, we're on our own. One (petite and skinny) girl and her (stubborn and vocal) little boy.

I arrive exhausted, but I've been learning some tricks that make it easier for everyone (Oath, me, the other passengers...):

1. Dress to walk, not to impress. This one is quite obvious, but I've seen some people at the airport that just make me wonder what they're there for. No stiletto heels, tight mini skirts, clothes too big they threaten to fall down... Tennis shoes, jeans and a polar fleece jacket (it can get chilly on the plane!) are my go-to clothes for traveling: simple and comfortable.
2. Dress the baby in easy to change clothes, too. Chances are there won't be any messy accidents, but if there are you'll be glad you didn't dress her in that cute dress that's so hard to button, or those jeans that fit him so well that they do not come out easily.
3. The less luggage, the better. Both checked-in and cabin. You'll probably have to carry a child most of the time, there's no need to burden yourself with even more weight!
4. Backpacks are your friends. I put everything I'll need in a backpack, and this way my two hands are always free. Or they would be if I didn't have a baby!
5. Put one change of clothing for the baby on the backpack... and one for you! There's no need to have some extra jeans in there, but a t-shirt is always welcome when that burp was a bit more than just a burp (it happens to the best of us, right?).
6. Forget the pram, use a baby carrier. If possible, a wrap, because they have no metal in them and so you can pass through the control arc with your baby strapped on you. I wouldn't trust a ring sling or another kind of carrier to not set the alarms off, but I believe that it is much easier to navigate through an airport with as few things as possible... and a pram is a pretty big thing! (also, I know I wouldn't be able to fold it to pass it through the X-rays... and there's so many people there I can't trust there'll be a security guard to help me!)
7. Bring some snacks for you and for baby if you are weaning. There's nothing that upset Oath more than having to wait in line at a cafe for me to get a sub or any other food, I don't know why. I try to bring some dry snacks (nuts, crackers, a sandwich...) and this way I can buy a bottle of water from vending machines (which Oath has nothing against).
8. Bring one special toy. I have one that Oath only plays with while we're traveling. He loves it, and never gets bored of it because it's always new to him. Something small, that you can pop easily in your bag, it's best (ours is a rattle, and while I am sure some other passengers do not like me much because of it, I know they would like us less if Oath started his "I am bored, I want to go somewhere!" screaming!)
9. Go with extra time, always. If you think you need one hour, plan for one and a half, and then add some. You'll end up waiting because you've been early, but that's much better than having to run because you are too late!
10. And, last but not least, do not be ashamed to ask for help. This can be hard for some of us: if you are like me, you feel that if you have to ask for help you are a failure as a mom. But no, you are not. You just know your limits. Getting your backpack from the overhead storage can be tricky with a baby in your arms or in a carrier, and so can be many other things. If you need help, ask for it. There'll be many people glad to help you!
11. And a bonus one: feed your baby at take-off and landing. It'll help with ear pain and, with a bit of luck, he'll fall asleep after and will sleep through part of the flight!

I have many more, but most of them might not work for other people: for instance, I always dress him with his cow socks, so when he kicks the bells in the cow heads jingle and he gets amused; or I let him have a pacifier, even though he does not use it, because he likes to chew it and play with it (it's like and extra special toy!) and it is hard to loose, what with being clasped to his clothes.

Any of you travel with babies often, too? What are your tips and tricks?

Oath's mom

10 activities you can do with your baby

So, you are a motivated parent that want to help your baby learn... but you don't really know how. That little being is so little! There are many doubts that can come to your mind, but the most usual one is a literal "What can I do?". This is not a school aged kid that you can teach the science behind baking some muffins, nor a toddler who you can play ball with. No maths, no reading, no running or walking or even crawling (some rolling, maybe), no talking. What can you do, educationally talking, with a kid that age? There doesn't look like there's much, does it?

But the truth is that train of thought is wrong. 

You can do everything. With minds that young, everything is an educational experience. Breathing, eating, listening, watching... all those things they've never experienced before are things your baby learns from. It will never be so easy to plan an educative activity for your little one.

Want some ideas?

1. Give her different foods to eat. Even something so simple as a sip of water can be mindblowing for a newborn and, lets be honest, we're probably talking more about 6 months olds than newborns here, so no need to stick only to water. Of course, follow always your doctor's advice, but some drops of clear, pure water (boiled or bottled, so there are no nasty bugs at all) won't do any harm.
2. Help him smell flowers, herbs, a perfume... No need to go all fancy here either: when you are cooking pass the oregano close to his nose, let him smell a rose when you come close to one, wear a soft perfume while cuddling him... anything will do. If you want to plan it a bit more, search contrasting smells: minty, sweet, flowery, spicy, soft and strong, good and bad: you can let him smell a clove of garlic first and then a lavender sachet, and see if he reacts differently.
3. Tickles! Soft feathery tickles for the younger ones, closer to a massage than anything else; giggle inducing tickles for an older baby. Kiss the palms of her hands, gently scratch the soles of his feet, pass a lock of your hair through her face. Oath loves it when I try to eat his chin!
4. Sing songs, and not only nursery rhymes: your favorite song, some mindless humming, a childhood favorite... the more varied the better. Sing some loud and others whispering, some more monotonous and others in full tune. And do not be afraid to get it wrong! Your baby loves your voice and it's different inflections, and doesn't care if you miss a note or got the words wrong.
5. While we're talking about music, we shouldn't forget dancing. Dance in front of your baby, so he can see you, and dance with your baby. Different tunes, so he gets to experience the simpler rhythm of a vals and the not so rhythmic bouncing around you do when you're just being silly.
6. Show her some simple colorful figures or things. A red ball, a yellow flower, a striped jacket... look for bold colors in big blocks at first (red, black and white are a good starting point) and get her attention to subtler things when she's older. Extra points if you tell her out loud what she's looking at (lots of "Look! There's a lamplight down there, Oath, isn't it pretty? And the green of all those leaves makes you happy, doesn't it?" have been heard a lot around here while looking through the window)
7. Sensory books are a whole world worth's experiencing. You get the whole package with many of them: colors, shapes, sounds, textures... even smells! And a book is a great toy to get your baby used to.
8. Lap games, as in games you play with the baby sitting (or laying) on your lap. Bouncing him up and down are the most common ones, but there are many others, popular in different countries. The one Oath loves more is to grab my hands, lean close to my face and then throw himself back until he's upside down, giggling.
9. And, of course, reading! We covered that in another post, already, so you can go here for more details.
10. Last but not least, a complete sensory experience that many kids love: bathtime. The warm water, the trickling sounds, splashing, soap bubbles and soap smell... and all the cute toys you can toss in the bathtub to play with!

Those are only 10 of the many that have come to my mind today. I'm sure you can find many more that you are already doing with your little one! Remember, anything can be a learning experience for them, so do not be afraid to show them new things!

 Oath's mom

10 things you can do to teach your baby to read

What do you say? That babies do not read?

Well, then. You are right. Not even the most intelligent babies can read, just the same as they can't perfectly understand cultural customs or follow pedestrian laws.

But babies can learn to want to read. And that, my friends, is the biggest step towards learning to read. But how do you make a baby want to read? With older kids and toddlers, it seems difficult (even though it doesn't have to be), but doable. But a baby? Isn't it too soon to try to teach them.

The answer is yes (it's an age to learn, not to be taught) and no (but babies learn through imitation, and it is never too soon to introduce them to good behaviors, like reading). You can kindle your kid's curiosity towards reading as soon as he starts getting interested in things. How? Try these:

1. Read. Who does your baby look up to to learn new things? He learns to smile when you react to his smile smiling back; she learns to talk when you respond to his babble. The things you eat, he wants to try... the books you read, she wants to read too. Let your baby see you read: maybe a novel, a magazine, a letter... Let it become part of what he usually sees you doing, and soon he'll want to do it too.
2. Read to him/her. Even when she doesn't show much interest, read her aloud one short baby book, some fragment of what you are reading, some verses of the Bible/Quran/your religious book of choice (if you are religious). Maybe just sit with a picture book and explain her what she can see on every page. It doesn't need to be for long.
3. Have books on display. While it isn't as important as #1 or #2, seeing books around will help your kid see them as something normal, usual, a part of daily life.
4. Let her/him play with books. Of course, keep the most fragile ones, the ones you want to keep perfect away from his grasp, but let him play with the others. He will bite them, try to tear the pages, drool all over the covers... Gently stop him breaking them, show him how to turn the pages (even if he won't learn for a long time), how to treat with respect the written words. And do not worry if he keeps trying to eat them: it's his way to show he's interested!
5. Set a book-reading time. With Oath, we read before bedtime. After the bath, I put him in his crib and sit on the bed by his side. I give him one or two of his baby books for him to explore and I grab a book for me (a novel, or one of my university text books if an exam is coming up). I read while he plays, and every once in a while I help him turn a page, read a bit to him or show him the colorful pictures. When it's clear he's tired of it, he nurses and goes to sleep, but every day we have our reading time together, and he seems to like it more and more every time.
6. Go to the library or the bookstore, let her "choose" some books to read. At first she will be drawn only to the colors, but as she grows older your baby will learn new ways to choose: big books or small ones, books with animals on the cover or books with real photos... Also, she will get used to going there, and you can forge a habit that will last for life.
7. Change things up in his baby library. Have different kinds of books (albums, photo books, plastic inflatable ones for the bathtub, cloth ones...) and rotate from the beginning, so your baby does not get tired of always seeing the same, or overwhelmed because he has too many to choose from. Bringing back an old favorite, or adding a new one, can spark his curiosity again.
8. Show him older siblings/cousins/friends reading. Kids like to copy other kids, so if there's an older sibling reading the baby is more likely to want to try it.
9. Read some more. Because you can never read too much around a child and it's the way of sparkling their interest. And it's also good for you!
10. Never force reading, or a book, on him/her. Does that one need explaining? Babies are stubborn, and they change their minds a lot. What they love today, they won't want to have anything to do with tomorrow, so breathe deep and go with the flow.

Have I missed something? What would you do to encourage your baby to love books?

Oath's mom

I've been a busy bee (10 things...)

 

By looking at my blog you probably can't tell I've spent the last 20 days glued to my computer, but I have. It turned out that one of my exams, that I thought was on the 21st, was on the 14th, so I had to re-do all my studying schedule and it became hectic. Maybe I am getting too old for this, or maybe Oath is stealing all my attention, because studying gets harder and harder. It's like my brain can't juggle it all.

Anyway, the exams are all done now and I can focus on Oath. These weeks haven't been how I'd have liked to start the year. I have done nothing to start on my twelve new year resolutions, but I'm not going to give up: I'll start tomorrow (it's easier for me to start on a Monday. Does it happen to you too?) and to make up for it, here are 10 things I intend to do before the end of January:

1. Start a treasure basket for Oath.
2. Do all the laundry and get my laundry routine back. It's been quite random lately, so this is definitely needed.
3. Take 10 photos worth posting on this blog.
4. Post said photos here. My blog is sad without photos!
5. Show you my January crochet.
6. Go to the post office to send two parcels.
7. Look through Oath's clothes and store the ones that no longer fit.
8. Prepare and do a presentation (the last thing left to end my exam period, though not exactly an exam)
9.  Draw a city map for a friend, or at least start working on it.
10. Get my February attack plan ready!

Not my usual "10 things..." list, I know, but hey, my brain-well of ideas is quite dried-up!

I hope you all have had a better start of the year.

Oath's Mom

10 things that I did not believe

After many weeks without, another 10 things... post comes to us.

People told me many things, some of which I believed and some that I didn't. Some turned out to be true and some to be false, for me. Today I present you with 5 of each.


First the truths...

1. "You don't know how much time there's in a day and how much you waste it until you have a kid."

I still can't believe how true this is. The day keeps on having 24 hours, but I do what I did before, plus some more, plus all the child-caring (which is a lot). I sure was a very lazy procrastinator!

2. "You don't know true love until your child is born."

I knew love. Deep love, burning love. But not as deep, as burning, as soul moving as the one I feel now when I look at Oath. It sounds sappy, but I don't mind. I can't imagine what will be having another kid (if we have another), but I'm sure it will be as mind-boggling.

3. "Of course you can function on less than 10 hours of sleep!".

I used to need 12 hours of sleep to not be a zombie. Now, somehow, I can sleep 5 hours an be perfectly functional all day. It must be hormonal or something.

4. "When you become a mother, you slowly get like your own mother."

Partner once even told me "If you keep on acting more and more like your mother, I think I'll despair." It struck me hard, but it was true: all the things that I did not understand about my mom, now I do... because I do them myself. Searing migraines? Check. Obsessed with cleaning? Check. Hates TV? Check. And so much more.

5. "You will soon forget how life was before him".

Remind me, how was life as a non-parent? Did it ever happen?



Then the lies...

6. "You don't know what you are getting into."

Oh, of course I do. I work with babies, toddlers and young children. I also remember perfectly my youngest sister's birth, and was old enough to change many diapers and wake up many times at night. I believed I knew what I was getting into, and haven't still changed my mind.

7. "It doesn't matter what you want or do not want now; when in labor you'll [do whatever it was that the person saying it did]"

They mostly told me I so would get an epidural / want to run to the hospital at the first contraction / give the baby the pacifier / stop breastfeeding soon. We'll have to see about the breastfeeding, but for now I am very sure I do not want to stop until he self-weans. Everything else I did it how I had planned to, and even though it would not have been a disaster at all if I had decided to do it another way, it bugged me that they assumed that their way was the only right or possible one.

8. "They call it quarantine, but that's a huge exaggeration!"

Umm... yeah. No exaggeration in the word quarantine (the meaning of which is related to "forty"), so if you are like me, do not freak out and believe you are dying. Talk with your doctor if you feel you need to, of course.

9. "Soon you'll want to leave the baby with somebody else."

Right, because I don't know where I am getting into and won't stand caring for my son. I work with babies, and love it, why wouldn't I love staying with my own? I still can't understand what drove some people to tell me this. Of course, there's still time for me to get tired, but I don't think it would qualify as soon if I did.

10. "You are not eating enough!"

Pregnant women do not need to look fat to be healthy. As with non pregnant women, we have a variety of different metabolisms and body shapes: the fact that I can fit in most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and me face looks as thin as ever does not mean I'm starving myself and the baby.

Oath's Mom

10 things you shouldn't do to a new mom

A new entry on my 10 things... "series" (if two can be called a series. I plan to do more, though)

I have learnt a lot through my pregnancy, and found many pleasant surprises. The ones that follow, though, weren't that pleasant (some did not happen to me, but would have annoyed me very much, so I thought I should share, too).

1. Call her names because you do not agree with something she is doing (or not doing), not even as a joke.

As evident as this sounds, some people need to be reminded. I have been called "step-mom" (not that I have anything against step-moms, but it was used in a very pejorative way) for not wanting to give Oath a pacifier. By my mother-in-law, no less.

I know she meant it as a joke, but anyway: Do Not Do It.

2. Buy her something she has specifically stated she does not want, need or have space enough for, just because you like it.

If she says she does not want pink frilly clothes, do not buy her a very pink and very frilly dress; if she said they are co-sleeping, it is working for them and, anyway, there is nowhere in the house they could put a crib right now... do not hand her down a crib, and much less two!

If she has been wrong, and she ends up wanting, needing or finding a place for it, she will tell you (or remain silent due to shame and pride, and that is another issue altogether).

3. Try to convince her to do things your way.

If the two of you do not agree, it is okay. Tell her your point of view, if you want, and let her explain hers, listening whether you want to or not. Do not insist that yours is the right way: even if it is, she will feel attacked and stop listening to you.

4. Appear at her doorstep unannounced.

You may understand that life with a baby takes time to adjust to, and that it is normal to have a messy house, still be in pajamas by mid-afternoon and not having showered for some days, but she will probably feel ashamed. Call in advance, ask if it's okay to pass by, and give her time change, put on deodorant and hide all the stuff.

5. Snatch the baby out of her arms.

Would you like it if somebody snatched your most loved thing right out of your hands, without warning? She may feel too weak or ashamed to say anything right then, but if you do she will probably resent it and stop trusting you.

6. Expect her to be a great hostess during your visit.

She might be, but she might as well feel overwhelmed by everything. If that is so, the last thing in her mind will be offering a drink, or a snack, or even asking how are you doing. She's there to care for the baby, not visitors.

7. Tell her there's a set time you're allowing her to not let the kid stay the night with you (applies specially if you are a grandparent).

So, if it ever crossed your mind to tell her: "Darling, you have three months until I make you leave your kid to stay the night with us.", do yourself a favor and think again. Giving her an "ultimatum" like that won't make her more prone to leaving her baby with you, or push her to do it sooner. Tell her that if she ever needs to leave the child with you for a weekend, or if she wants you to go to her house to spend the night so she and her partner can go out together: you're more likely to get what you want this way.

8. Insist if she does not pick up the phone if you are calling unannounced (unless it is an emergency).

You can be sure you will be calling while the kid is sleeping (luck works that way). Maybe she has the cell phone in silent mode, maybe she has unplugged the land line so it would not wake up her baby... or maybe you did, indeed, wake up the child and she has a crying infant in her arms and the last thing on her mind is picking up the phone. They are not dead, promise.

9. Complain that she is not giving you enough photos of the baby (another one for grandparents).

First of all, ask yourself: why should she? Unless you don't have a camera (and even then) she is not responsible of providing you with photos. Ask her if she has some that you could copy, she'll probably say yes and give you as many as you want (but do not expect her to make the copies and then drive to your home to deliver them. Maybe she will, but she has other things to take care of!)

10. Ignore her in favor of the baby.

I know it's tempting and quite instinctive to focus all your attention on the new arrival, but do not ignore the mother. She has been carrying the baby around for 9 months, has been through a very physically and emotionally exhausting journey that ends in the apotheosis that's a birth (which has probably been very scary and painful), so pay a little attention to her every time you see them. Make her feel loved and do not give her reasons to think that she's only the way to get through to the baby. She is way more than that and deserves the recognition.

Did I miss something? What annoyed you the most when you were a first-time mom? What would never cross your mind to do to a new mom?

Oath's Mom

10 things I wish someone had told me before

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

When you become a mother, your life changes in ways you would have never imagined, as much as you tried to.

People tell you many things about it, and chances are you have so much info you don't really know what to do with it. At least, it happened to me. There were some things, though, that nobody told me and I would have loved to know before they happened.

These are 10 of them:

1. If somebody tells you "you sound different with these contractions, like it is more serious this time", listen.

It doesn't matter if they do not really hurt and are only making you uncomfortable. Chances are they are right. Of course, there is no need to run to the hospital or call your midwife, but keep in mind that this might be it.

2. Chances are you will forget everything you've learned about breathing "right", but it is okay.

Do not freak out, keep on breathing anyway, that's the most important thing. You may learn things you never knew, though, like that if your hands and face get all tingly, you are hyperventilating. Also, it supposedly possible to breath deep and slow while trying not to push (but I'm not too sure about it).

3. At some point, you will get very scared and start to think you can't do it. Even if you have never been afraid of birth and labor before.

But you know what? You were right all along: you can do it, and you will. Don't be ashamed to admit to yourself that you are afraid, it will be easier if you just accept it and let others guide you through fear. Midwives, doctors and doulas have seen it many times and know how to help you, trust them with this.

4. When the bag of water breaks, it makes a "pop" sound.

Yeah, I know, this does not help much. I would have liked to know it, though, so I wouldn't have been startled when it happened (and maybe I wouldn't have scared Partner and the midwife with my sudden "WOAH!")

5. A few hours after giving birth, you will realize you sounded like you were drugged all along.

And you might very well be very ashamed of it. I know I was. It's not something you notice while it happens, so you can't help it. But it's okay, you can always blame hormones, and it'll be something fun to remember later. Just don't ask your significant other about it: "Partner... did I sound like I was drunk?" "Yup" "But... much?" "You have NO idea!"

6. The baby will sleep soundly the first night, and won't wake up even if you poke/gently shake/undress him, not even when you change his diaper.

And you know what? It is perfectly normal. Don't freak out, he will wake up eventually, and then he will eat. Take this chance and try to rest as much as possible.

7. You, on the other hand, will be wide awake.

Not only because the baby is sound asleep and you are worried, or because the bed is not the most comfortable ever. The rush of hormones will take your sleep and exhaustion away. Try to rest, though, because it will be one of the calmest nights of many.

8. If anything happens to your child, you will believe it is your fault.

Hasn't taken to breastfeeding as well as you imagined? Your fault. Smelly cord? Your fault. Sleeps too much? Your fault. Doesn't sleep enough? Your fault. Sneezes? Your... you get the idea. The first days your most common thought might well be "What have I done wrong that this is happening to my baby?"

9. But chances are nothing of what is worrying you so much is actually your fault.

Many things happen to a newborn, and most of them are perfectly normal (like the ones I mentioned in the last point). Others might not be "normal", but as long as you haven't dropped him on his head, you're probably free of blame. Really. He's not crying that much because you are a bad mom, promise.

And, finally...

10. You will eventually believe what you just did, and you will be prouder of yourself than ever before.

And you have all the right to! You've created a human being, a new life. There's nothing more worth of pride in this world, is there?

   

Oath's mom

*I had a natural birth without drugs at a hospital (though I spent most of labor at home, waiting for it to "get real"). I can't know if the things related to labor and birth would apply to any other kind of experience, but as far as I know they are common when giving birth naturally and drug-free*